How to ask someone to be your referee on a resumé

When you’re still at the start of your career, a strong reference on your resumé can make all the difference. But how do you approach someone to provide a glowing recommendation of your abilities and character? 

In this article, read all about best practices, etiquette and effective communication strategies to approach potential referees, whether it’s through email, text or face-to-face conversation. We also cover common concerns and questions many job seekers have about this process, so you’re prepared to make your requests with confidence.

Identifying the right referee

Choosing the right professional referee is the first step. You need someone who can speak to your skills, work ethic and achievements, who also holds a degree of authority. But how do you identify the best person to vouch for you? 

They’ve worked closely with you

The best referees are those who have worked closely with you. They could be a former manager, a colleague, a mentor, or even a college professor or instructor, depending on the field of work. Choose someone who has first-hand experience of your capabilities and accomplishments, as this means they will be able to provide specific examples of your strengths.

They hold a level of authority

Ideally, your referee should be someone respected in their field or industry. Their position or title can add weight to their endorsement. However, it's important to remember that a high-ranking person who barely knows you might not be as effective as someone with less authority but more knowledge of your abilities and personality.

They’re happy to help you out

Finally, the person needs to be willing to act as your reference. It’s respectful to ask before you put their name down on your resumé, so they’re prepared for hiring managers to call. It’s also just good manners to get permission before sharing someone’s contact details. 

Preparing for a reference request

Reaching out to your reference is a big step, so before you do, make sure you’re prepared. Consider your relationship with them, any projects you worked on together, and the strengths and skills they have witnessed first-hand. This will help you tailor your request, making it more personal and relevant. 

To make it easier for your referee, you could put together a summary of your relevant knowledge, experience and achievements. This might include a list of projects you worked on, specific accomplishments, skills you have, and any awards or recognitions you received. Providing this information can serve as a helpful reminder for your referee – it ensures they have all the details they need to provide a good reference.

Finally, work out the best way to contact your reference person. Some people might prefer a formal email request, while others might be easier to talk to over the phone or face to face. Remember, the way you handle the request process can also reflect on your professional manners and interpersonal skills.

How to ask for a reference

You’ve chosen a reference and compiled all the key information you need to make this a seamless process. Now it’s time to reach out to them. Whether you choose to ask for reference via email, or want to know how to ask someone to be your reference via text, it’s important to be clear, professional and respectful. 

Start by briefly explaining why you’re reaching out and then directly ask if they would be comfortable acting as a referee for you. Be specific about the role or opportunity you’re pursuing and why you believe they would be an ideal referee. 

It’s also important to acknowledge that you’re aware of what a big favour you’re asking of them and the time and effort it involves. Do this by expressing your gratitude for their consideration, whether or not they agree to be your referee. Make it clear that you appreciate their support and understand if they are unable to fulfil the request. 

How to handle a refusal gracefully

Of course, there’s the chance that someone might not agree to be a referee for you. If someone declines your request to be a referee, the most important step is to accept their decision with respect. Understand that there could be various reasons – personal or professional – that prevent them from providing a reference. Respond with a polite message, thanking them for considering your request and expressing your understanding of their decision. 

In some cases, it might be appropriate to politely ask for feedback on why they are unable to provide a reference. This should be done delicately and without any pressure. Their response can provide valuable insights into areas you might need to work on or clarify any misunderstandings. However, respect their choice if they prefer not to provide specific reasons.

It’s always important to have a plan B. Consider other people who are familiar with your work and achievements. This could be another former supervisor, a casual-work colleague or a mentor. Having a list of potential referees ensures that you can quickly find an alternative without delaying your job application process.

Asking for a letter from your referee for a job

A verbal reference is one thing, but asking for a reference letter is trickier, as it requires more effort on your referee’s behalf. A reference letter (or letter of recommendation) requires your referee to give a written endorsement, so you will need to give them plenty of advance notice. 

Once you’ve found someone willing to be your referee, the next step is to ensure they have all the necessary information to write a strong and relevant reference. This involves sharing key details about your education, professional experience (if any) and the specific job you're applying for. Here’s what you can provide them with to help:

• Current resumé and educational/career highlights: provide your referee with your most recent resumé, to give them an overview of all your details, including your education, work experience, skills and notable achievements. Highlight any specific accomplishments or skills that you think are relevant to the job you're applying for so your referee can tailor their reference letter.
• Specific examples of your work together: it helps to remind your referee of specific projects or tasks you worked on together, especially those where you demonstrated skills or achievements relevant to the job you're applying for. This can jog their memory and help them provide detailed comments about your work. 
• Information about the job you're applying for: give your referee the job details or share the job description with them, and point out any particular skills or qualifications that should be emphasised. This information can guide them in highlighting aspects of your experience and skills that are most relevant to the position.

Follow-up and thanking your referee

Make sure the communication doesn’t stop the minute you receive your reference. It’s important to let your referee know just how much you value their help and appreciate the time and effort they put into you. A thank-you email or handwritten note is a thoughtful way to show your appreciation. Your message doesn't have to be long. A simple thank you that acknowledges their contribution can make a big difference. For example:

Dear [referee’s name],

I wanted to express my sincere gratitude for serving as a referee for my recent job application. Your support and willingness to vouch for my skills and experience mean a lot to me. I truly appreciate the time and effort you took to help me in my career journey.

Warm regards,

[Your name]

It’s just as important to keep your referee updated on the progress of your job search, especially if their reference played a role in it. It lets them know that their efforts are valuable. Plus, you never know when you might need their help again in the future, so it’s important to nurture this relationship. Express your hope to stay in touch and your willingness to reciprocate the favour if needed. 

Ensuring timely submission

When relying on a reference letter to support your job application, it’s important to make sure you get your referees’ contributions in time. The key is to give your referees plenty of notice. Contact your potential referees as soon as you know you’ll need a reference. If you’re asking for a reference letter, clearly communicate the deadline for the application submission. This helps your referees plan accordingly and ensures that they are aware of the time sensitivity.

As the deadline approaches, sending a polite reminder to your referee is fine. This can be a gentle nudge to ensure that your reference is on their radar. Just be mindful to balance this with respect for their time and commitments. A single reminder a few days before the deadline is usually all that is needed. 

Once they have submitted the reference letter, it’s good practice to confirm that the organisation you’re applying at received it. This ensures that the reference has been received and is part of your application.

The importance of selecting the right referees cannot be overstated. Choose people who are familiar with your abilities, hold credibility in their field, and are willing to advocate for you. Throughout the process of requesting and managing references, professionalism and gratitude are important. As you navigate this process, you’ll gain confidence in your ability to cultivate and maintain these important connections, setting yourself up for long-term career success.